Let’s talk about priorities. We all juggle them in our daily lives.
The word is so commonplace that I almost felt foolish looking up its definition in Merriam-Webster. Two fascinating insights jumped out at me: something given or meriting attention before competing alternatives, and superiority in rank, position, or privilege.
The priorities we manage come from many sources: work, family, friends, and unexpected curveballs that get lobbed at us. Yet we rarely stop to ask, whose priorities are they? And if they are competing for our attention and are perceived as ‘superior’ to our priorities, what’s the long-term cost?
In my book, Gray Divorce: My Life Rewritten, I talk about putting other people first, and how, for many people (including myself), that’s a lesson planted in us from a very early age. While being a partner and/or a parent often means prioritizing others’ needs over our own, we can’t do it every day, all day. We can’t completely ignore our own needs and wants our entire lives. Eventually, we will lose our way as individuals and may very well come to resent those we love.
One of the lessons I share from my journey is the value of learning to listen to your heart. In that chapter, I wrote the following:
When you’re wired either by nature or nurture to prioritize others’ needs and wants over your own, you don’t listen to your heart. For me, this lesson was decades in the making, with years of my life stretching out behind it like a long, meandering road.
When I discovered this truth buried deep within, I felt completely adrift in the new awareness. And yet, there was a realization, a tiny awakening. My heart had been whispering for years that things were not normal, not healthy, and I had ignored its whispers. As long as I numbed my feelings, it was easy to ignore. When I stopped numbing myself, however, things changed.
When I look back at my journal…I realize how truly lost I was and how much pain I felt, not at the marriage ending, but with the fact that I no longer knew who I was.
When we lose sight of who we are and what matters most to us, we are living our lives on autopilot. Time is our most precious commodity, and once it has passed, we don’t get it back. Are you prioritizing yourself – your health, your peace, your happiness? What priorities of others have you taken upon yourself, and what are they crowding out of your life?